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My Love, my Dando has left us...

A piece of me is gone... My dear, my love, my one and only, my best friend, my first dog, my everything has left me today...
After years of fighting a disease after another I had to make the hard decision to know when enough was enough, and we had reached that point.
He has been struggling lately with loss of function in his backlegs and the last couple of weeks he could not control when he needed to poo, so it often came indoors.
He couldn't go for any real walks, just short short walks behind our house and from time to time in the woods, when I took him with me in the car so he would get a change of scenery.
It was very hard for me to decide when it was his time. He has been such a huge part of my life for almost 11 ½ years and for me to decide when he should not live anymore has been devastating. 
I  have prepared for this day this whole year, and he has slowly been getting worse, and in some way, I feel peace now. I have morn him for so many months, when he was still alive. But now, I can feel sad, cry and grief for "real". 

I was only 19 years old when Dando stepped into my life and for the 11 years, 5 months and 2 days I got to have him next to me he has been my world. 
There is no other dog that will ever mean as much to me as he has. He was my first dog and that will always garantee a special place in my heart. 
My heart is broken but I know all my lovely memories of you will eventually push away my tears and instead make me smile every time I think of him.

Dando got to lay in his own bed with his head in my lap when he fell into his final sleep. He gave me a final big kiss before he put his head in my arms and fell deeper and deeper to sleep.
The girls were allowed in the room when we were finished to say goodbye. They all smelled him but very fast went to rest in the couch, not acting like they were grieving.
We carried him to our car were he laid with his head in my lap the whole way to the crematorium. It was situated nicely in the countryside in a barn and the owners met us when we arrived, and acted very proffessional the whole time. 
It was awful saying my final goodbye leaving him there, but at least I was able to drive back there today and pick up his urn and bring him home. 
I struggle with this whole thing, today I have tried to keep myself occupied and distracted because otherwise I think about him, ALL the time. And now thinking of him only makes me break down and cry... and I feel so empty and so tired, so I know I have to stop. 
Thankfully I have my three girls who needs to go outside and my daughter who needs my attention, so I have to get myself together and just do normal stuff too.

I know it will take a long time for me to accept the fact that he is not coming back... I was not ready to loose him, but I don't think you ever really are. I knew I was doing the right thing for him, but I would much rather have him here, still next to me...
I know, that eventually his memory will only bring me joy. He was so special and I have so many wonderful memories, photos and videos of him that I will treassure forever.

LP1 RLDN RLDF SEVCH Hamnuddens Dando af Argos "Dando"

2003-06-02  - 2014-11-04


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