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Yaya in our hearts Forever!

I don't even know where to begin... I don't understand how I ended up in this situation having to write about how my girl, my special one, my Yaya died... 

I will try to take it from the start. A few weeks ago I decided to remove some lumps that Yaya had, she had one bigger lipoma on the inside of her thigh and some smaller once that I wanted to have removed and analyzed at the same time. 
Since she had now turned 8 years old it was time to do a general check up on her so we took a bloodtest and it showed a healthy dog. She was very slightly anemic but nothing that worried us and she had her surgery, and eveything went well.
The result from one of the tiny lumps came back as being a type that can be found in changes in the spleen. 
In ridgebacks it seems to be very common with tumours and ruptures in the spleen so our ultrasound vet pushed that we would check hers and the other dogs too. So we did and Yaya unfortunately had smaller changes on her spleen. Mira and Moa who we also checked at this stage had nothing, so thank god for that.
I decided after being recommended it to have it removed now, instead of waiting before a tumour might grow large or rupture leaving us with an emergancysurgery and perhaps loosing Yaya then.
My own vet does not to this type of surgery, it is a large procedure since the spleen has a LOT of bloodvessles and veins attached to it. So to remove it you have to tie each and everyone off carefully.
I left her for her surgery on Mondaymorning and got a call around 1 pm that she was done and it had gone well. A little bit more than 1 hour later I went to pick her up and took her to my clinic where I work for more observation and IV fluids. 
I though she was a bit to cold when I picked her up and of course tired. But at my clinic (a 10 minute drive away) I had her on a warming blanket and rapt her up also giving her heated IV fluids. 
Around 3 pm it was time for her to get more painmedication, Metadon. It is a strong medication and often leaves the dog a bit "high" and tired, which was perfect for her since we wanted her to continue to rest and lay still.
About 20 minutes later Mira came up to her where she was laying next to where I was doing some dishes. What surprised me was that Yaya did not react to Mira, so I called out her name and got no respons. I immidetely sat down next to her and within seconds after lifting up her head in my lap saw her responses faid... she didn't blink, her pupils got bigger and her mucous and tongue went almost white... I just sat and saw my dog die infront of me...
I know how a dog looks when it dies, I see if very often in my work, but that happens when it is their time to go and when we are giving them medication to pass away...
To see this happening to Yaya right infront of my eyes, a dog that should NOT die... I can't even describe what that has done to me...
I screamed for my vet and he came in seconds and together we started CPR. She got a tube in her troat so we could breath for her and we started heart compressions. We gave her two doses of adrenalin, the first one giving her heart a rush but nothing more. We first thought her cardiac arrest was caused by her second dose of Metadon, so we gave her the antidote for that but she was white... she was gone... My vet took a suringe and needle and punched her belly and found that she had blood free inside... that is when we knew that everything was lost... A suture from the surgery had ruptured causing her to bleed out in her belly. Despite in our hearts knowing it was to late we decided on the spot to open her up, there still was a tiny chane that we could find the bleeding and stop it so we just opened up the stitched wound and the amount of blood that came out I think shocked us both... It felt like it was all the blood in her body not in her veins anymore, it was all in her stomache...
Right then I told my vet to stop, I knew our chances were lost... we had lost... we lost Yaya... So no matter how much we were trying to keep her circulation going there was no blood left to be pumped around her heart or her brain.
All I can try to think to attempt to comfort myself is that she was high on drugs when this happened, she most likely did not feel anything but just feel deeper and deeper to sleep. And the last thing is that she was with me, I was near her. I would have hated even more to get a phonecall from the other clinic saying that she had died there. Now at least I know that both me and my vet did everything we could to save her, I was there and I got to do everything I could too.
I just wish it would have worked. I wish I had noticed something sooner, that she would have said something, done something to give me just a tiny hint about what was happening to her. Then maybe, we could have saved her? In my heart I know we probably couldn't, judging from the time that I gave her more painmedicine to the time that she was declared dead, 25 minutes... Could we have seen something on her 25 minutes ago and opened her up then? Most likely not since she was looking like a normal, tired dog after surgery resting cozy underneath her blankets...
It took me a few hours before I was ready to move, I just pretty much sat or laid there next to her, just hoping that she would suddenly take a breath, move or look at me again... But she didn't.
I took her home with me and was able to drive her to a crematorium only 15 minutes away the next morning, where I left her. It was the same place where I took Dando after I died, and she got to lay in the same dogbed as he did then. In someway this gave me a little bit of comfort. Yesterday afternoon I picked up her urn and she is now back home with us again, standing right next to Dando.

It is so hard to sit here and write this, but at the same time I want her life to be celebrated. She meant so much to me! She was special to me right from the start. I remember so well when she was born, it was only 2 girls and I know the breeder was keeping one and had many people wanting the other one.
So when her breeder Anne told me that she wanted me to have Yaya, oh the joy! I went to see her during the midsummerweekend and fell in love. She wasn't then the prettiest puppy I had ever seen, but I did not care, she was still special. Two weeks later she was mine.
And she might not have been the prettiest stacked her first weeks of life, but oh did that change!
At her first dogshow 11 months old she took Best of Breed, CAC and BIG-4!
I can sort of say that it set the way for the rest of her showcareer! She won almost everything!
She was that one of a kind dog that you don't get two of!
She was a great workingdog having no problem gaining her LP1, RLDN, RLDF, SEVCH and NVCH titles in her very first tries.
And even though I hold all her great results treassured in my heart that is not what I will miss...
I will miss every little thing that made Yaya special, and that is a lot of things! Her eyes, the way she carried her ears, the way she would run almost sideways and jump next to me out of joy, the way she wagged her tail when you said her name or even looked at her, the way she would bend her head against my chest to cuddle so close it was even possible to get, they way she would curl up on the couch, all her million different and crazy ways she would sleep, the way she loved doing tricks.... I can go on forever... 
But what good does it do... she is not here anymore and I will never see her do any of those things again...
How does your heart heal?
I let her have this surgery to make sure she would live a happy long life for 4 maybe 5 more years... and what happend? I lost her way to soon! She was only 8 years and 4 months old... She wasn't even old! We had so many things ahead of us... so many more things to do and share together...
My heart is broken, everything feels empty and meaningless. I am not sure what the other dogs are feeling. They all got several chances to sniff her and must know what happend. 
They obviusly sense my pain, I can tell that. The have been allowed on our bed to comfort me and Christoffer, and they want to be near. 

I don't know how, but I know we will go on, it will never be the same, and there will always be that missing part...
I love you Yaya, and I will until the day I die and we meet again. Until then, you and Dando have fun together and wait for us until we are all together as the pack we should be!

Tarujen Uyaya Kadamo "YAYA"
2008/05/09 - 2016/09/05




Senaste nyheter